Suicide Prevention

Alexa Alfano

up in the clouds the Mathematician asked me what I wanted
to be like & I said this, this, this
I watched Them mix blue (n.) with
one light-up sneaker coated in mud then
goo of my soul injected I was sent hurdling down
heavy & dripping & not even realizing
just how heavy & dripping & it was enough
until I spotted the face of Glimmer
I wish I'd hurdle faster
& pow! according to Plan I hit the ground
forgot everything
& light in open eyes felt
like winter-cold seats in the car
but discomfort is fine as long as you're going somewhere
nice like you know waiting there will be yourself, different
yet still growing forward & still wishing it were better than this
though I was in love for a year, maybe
a couple other times too but how would I know
if this is already the coveted "better," my breath
& violent realizations of hilarity
& flip-flopped feet running
so I hold a patterned umbrella
under the enormous waterfall of continuity--
oblivion can wait